As many of you may (or may not) know, Academy award winning actress and candidate for the "Meanest Mom Ever" award, Gwyneth Paltrow, has a daughter named Apple. Photos have recently been taken of the mom enjoying an afternoon snack on the porch of her multi-million dollar home. What sort of snack, you ask? Why, nothing more than a plain old apple.
But wait, what sort of apple; a harmless, relatively sweet fruit, or the flesh of an innocent child? Seeing as I have no time for research, I am going to assume the latter. Is this a new, disturbing trend in Hollywood? Will the eating of innocent children become commonplace?
Why have I jumped to such a strange and mildly disturbing conclusion without any sort of rhyme or reason? Because Apple's godfather is none other than British actor Simon Pegg of Shaun of the Dead fame! There seems to be some fairly indisputable evidence that Ms. Paltrow saw this coming one day and decided to name Simon Pegg as her daughter's godparent for her own safety.
So, Polly Perkins, what is it you have to say for yourself? Is there any end to your sick and disgusting craving for child flesh? Who will be next in this madman's lust for human flesh? Not me.
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